Monday, August 16, 2010

What is:

The end of a 21 year marriage...that's what "is" in my life at the moment. In many ways, this is just the evolution of our relationship. A new phase in which we will co-parent from separate households and learn how to work together as friends that are not a couple any longer.

People get upset when they hear this news...natural reaction I suppose. But as hard as this transition is, I feel the "rightness" of moving towards having my own place. We've had some major disconnects over the last two decades and I've been on my own before. This is not anything new for me, it just feels more final this time.

Riding the waves of sadness, of guilt (mainly for how this could affect my beautiful children who deserve nothing but the best in this life) of looking forward rather than back, of the lovely openness of facing the unknown and the relief of stretching my wings. In this moment, I am happy...happy and grateful for the learning that has happened over the 21 years we've been (mostly) together.

We are both different people than when we started out. Different for the better and I wish only the best for Bleu. I want to see us both thrive and support each other. That shouldn't change just because people can't be together. Our children will come first, our commitment to nurturing them is the top priority for both of us. I can hear the naysayers now...that in order to do that we must stay together. I disagree. I'm ready to be a single Mum and stay that way.

Looking forward to this new journey in my life and cradling the past gently, near my heart but living for this day and the adventures it holds for me.

Thank you Bleu, for your friendship and love, for the good and bad memories and for trying to understand such a complicated soul. We walk forward into a different phase of our relationship and I'm glad to share the ride with you.

**What I don't need right now: ~~A million questions about how/why etc... I don't want to repeat my relationship story to everyone, if you know me well, you already have the facts.

~~Unwarranted sympathy....I'm ok. Truly and honestly. Yes, I will get sad at times and maybe even be weepy. I don't need mushy sympathy, I have been on my own before and actually LIKE it.

~~Being set up on dates...that is the LAST thing I want. I plan to stay happily single the rest of my life. Thank you for your concern and all, but I am not that person who is unhappy being alone.

**What I do need right now: ~~Anyone who might be willing to help me clean or sort, to get this house ready to sell.

~~Friends to hang out with.....trips to the river, camping, walking downtown, roller skating etc.. are welcome activities.

~~A vehicle and a place to live. Yes, I know nobody can give those to me, but information on leads are appreciated. I am making the only income in the household right now and it is not sufficient for this many people. Grateful for any information that will help me move forward inexpensively!

♥♥Much love to all my amazing friends and family!! I know I will need you more than ever and your support means the world to me.♥♥

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Second Chance Farm

As one torn between worlds of earth and air, it's never easy to find a middle ground. A place where all of the interests mesh. So I've learned that meshing isn't so important as finding a space for all of it.

The farming life has called to me since I was a little girl visiting my Grandparent's farm. I've come to realize that the idea of a farm is pretty idealistic. The reality is just plain grit and determination, combined with a restlessness and calm that are hard to describe.

In searching for my way to this farm life, without my family being on board, I have managed to carve a space. A space that feels safe, that challenges me to do more, a space that calms some inner desire to be close to my food sources and know the face of my food.

I'm only there about once a week right now. Hoping to add more as my hectic life schedule faces some transitions. I leave my work days at the farm with aching body, grimy skin, a basket full of riches from the earth and a sense of calm that can be rather evasive at times.

Thank you to Heather for giving me this space and for patiently sharing and showing the way. The girl is a pint-sized powerhouse. It's unbelievable what plain-vanilla grit and determination can yield. The spirit of hard working farm people from generations past, is alive and well...believe me. I'm grateful to witness it and looking forward to many farm adventures and learning.

I'm learning many things that will alter my own home garden and growing methods. Step by step I move closer to my farm dreams....

Laying the drip line

Can you see a tired dog trying to find a bit of shade there?

Her draft horses are so beautiful...the smell takes me back to childhood.

Hand raised chickens are soooo friendly!

Farm help comes in many forms...


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Letters to the dead have their own space now!

If you want to keep up with Letters to the Dead, please check out the new blog!  All future letters will be posted there and all letters posted here have already been moved to their new home. See you there!