Sunday, November 23, 2008

My heart fills up....

    At the end of the movie "American Beauty", Kevin Spacey has an amazing monologue about
the last second of his life and the post-death feelings he has about the world:

~~I guess I couId be pretty pissed off
about what happened to me,
but it's hard to stay mad when
there's so much beauty in the worId.

Sometimes I feeI like I'm seeing
it all at once and it's too much.

My heart fills up like a balloon
that's about to burst.

And then I remember
to relax...
and stop trying
to hold on to it.

And then it flows
through me like rain,

and I can't feel anything
but gratitude...
for every single moment...
of my stupid little Iife.

You have no idea what
I'm talking about, I'm sure.

But don't worry.

You will someday.~~

I think I know exactly what he's talking about. At least
in certain moments I know. Still learning how to stop
trying to hold onto it. So much beauty....even in the
things we deem undesirable. Beauty everywhere.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I am...

....a purple squiggle. According to Bupa anyway.:)

"You are creative, witty and impulsive. You are spontaneous and fun, always looking to the future, however you are not always dependable and you have been known to drive your colleagues crazy. You are easily distracted and you need to learn to focus on tasks and see them through to their conclusion."

After lighting nachos on fire and running over a mailbox this week, I have no way to refute the above assertations. My only issue is that it seems to by saying "easily distracted" is somehow bad. I disagree. I spent too much of my life feeling badly about that fact. Some of us like sparkly things...what can I say?

Thanks to Christi for sharing the Bupa thing at her blog!:)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Too much

I've completely neglected this blog once again. Not for lack of caring, or desire to share words and ideas but for lack of prioritizing. The garden has been neglected too. It was nice to take a break from it. I have that luxury but there are spinach and kale seeds wanting to be planted.

We've been extra busy with good friends. Creating lovely memories and connections. That's the stuff which makes life grand. An intentional community is on my mind daily now and while the stars are coming into alignment in some ways, other challenges make it a seemingly distant reality.

I've been shooting with my 35mm camera again. The photos lose quality when being uploaded from a disc, but it's what I have right now. I shot a bunch in downtown Jonesborough, then at a cemetery and on Buffalo Mountain where we hiked with La's crew.

We've managed to lose a camera and our cat this month. So amongst all the swirly, craziness of friends and gatherings we've been sad about saying goodbye to some things we love in life. I'm still hoping Bella will show up yowling at the door one night.

Today, I read this poem at a community blog and it really fit in with how I'm feeling this morning:

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver