Monday, August 16, 2010

What is:

The end of a 21 year marriage...that's what "is" in my life at the moment. In many ways, this is just the evolution of our relationship. A new phase in which we will co-parent from separate households and learn how to work together as friends that are not a couple any longer.

People get upset when they hear this news...natural reaction I suppose. But as hard as this transition is, I feel the "rightness" of moving towards having my own place. We've had some major disconnects over the last two decades and I've been on my own before. This is not anything new for me, it just feels more final this time.

Riding the waves of sadness, of guilt (mainly for how this could affect my beautiful children who deserve nothing but the best in this life) of looking forward rather than back, of the lovely openness of facing the unknown and the relief of stretching my wings. In this moment, I am happy...happy and grateful for the learning that has happened over the 21 years we've been (mostly) together.

We are both different people than when we started out. Different for the better and I wish only the best for Bleu. I want to see us both thrive and support each other. That shouldn't change just because people can't be together. Our children will come first, our commitment to nurturing them is the top priority for both of us. I can hear the naysayers now...that in order to do that we must stay together. I disagree. I'm ready to be a single Mum and stay that way.

Looking forward to this new journey in my life and cradling the past gently, near my heart but living for this day and the adventures it holds for me.

Thank you Bleu, for your friendship and love, for the good and bad memories and for trying to understand such a complicated soul. We walk forward into a different phase of our relationship and I'm glad to share the ride with you.

**What I don't need right now: ~~A million questions about how/why etc... I don't want to repeat my relationship story to everyone, if you know me well, you already have the facts.

~~Unwarranted sympathy....I'm ok. Truly and honestly. Yes, I will get sad at times and maybe even be weepy. I don't need mushy sympathy, I have been on my own before and actually LIKE it.

~~Being set up on dates...that is the LAST thing I want. I plan to stay happily single the rest of my life. Thank you for your concern and all, but I am not that person who is unhappy being alone.

**What I do need right now: ~~Anyone who might be willing to help me clean or sort, to get this house ready to sell.

~~Friends to hang out with.....trips to the river, camping, walking downtown, roller skating etc.. are welcome activities.

~~A vehicle and a place to live. Yes, I know nobody can give those to me, but information on leads are appreciated. I am making the only income in the household right now and it is not sufficient for this many people. Grateful for any information that will help me move forward inexpensively!

♥♥Much love to all my amazing friends and family!! I know I will need you more than ever and your support means the world to me.♥♥