Monday, August 16, 2010

What is:

The end of a 21 year marriage...that's what "is" in my life at the moment. In many ways, this is just the evolution of our relationship. A new phase in which we will co-parent from separate households and learn how to work together as friends that are not a couple any longer.

People get upset when they hear this news...natural reaction I suppose. But as hard as this transition is, I feel the "rightness" of moving towards having my own place. We've had some major disconnects over the last two decades and I've been on my own before. This is not anything new for me, it just feels more final this time.

Riding the waves of sadness, of guilt (mainly for how this could affect my beautiful children who deserve nothing but the best in this life) of looking forward rather than back, of the lovely openness of facing the unknown and the relief of stretching my wings. In this moment, I am happy...happy and grateful for the learning that has happened over the 21 years we've been (mostly) together.

We are both different people than when we started out. Different for the better and I wish only the best for Bleu. I want to see us both thrive and support each other. That shouldn't change just because people can't be together. Our children will come first, our commitment to nurturing them is the top priority for both of us. I can hear the naysayers now...that in order to do that we must stay together. I disagree. I'm ready to be a single Mum and stay that way.

Looking forward to this new journey in my life and cradling the past gently, near my heart but living for this day and the adventures it holds for me.

Thank you Bleu, for your friendship and love, for the good and bad memories and for trying to understand such a complicated soul. We walk forward into a different phase of our relationship and I'm glad to share the ride with you.

**What I don't need right now: ~~A million questions about how/why etc... I don't want to repeat my relationship story to everyone, if you know me well, you already have the facts.

~~Unwarranted sympathy....I'm ok. Truly and honestly. Yes, I will get sad at times and maybe even be weepy. I don't need mushy sympathy, I have been on my own before and actually LIKE it.

~~Being set up on dates...that is the LAST thing I want. I plan to stay happily single the rest of my life. Thank you for your concern and all, but I am not that person who is unhappy being alone.

**What I do need right now: ~~Anyone who might be willing to help me clean or sort, to get this house ready to sell.

~~Friends to hang out with.....trips to the river, camping, walking downtown, roller skating etc.. are welcome activities.

~~A vehicle and a place to live. Yes, I know nobody can give those to me, but information on leads are appreciated. I am making the only income in the household right now and it is not sufficient for this many people. Grateful for any information that will help me move forward inexpensively!

♥♥Much love to all my amazing friends and family!! I know I will need you more than ever and your support means the world to me.♥♥


Frank said...

Love you, Ren!

Jeff said...

I'd do anything for any of you, but for now how about I just guarantee lots of fun and plenty of laughs at NEUC next week? Can't wait to see ya' smile!

krisna goodwin said...

Ren, thank you for shring this with us all. I look forward to finally meeting you on Monday!
Krisna Goodwin

Snad said...

Congratulations! A new adventure for a young old soul!

Yeah, I admit that I'm a little melancholy about the fact that yet *another* marriage goes down (and after 21 years!), but that's the way life goes. It sounds like you are ready for this challenge. Good luck! Have fun!

I'll keep my ears and eyes open for vehicle and living space needs. And one of these nights when you throw down the invite to Main Street Pizza at midnight, I may just haul myself off Stoney Creek and join you!

I have moving boxes if you need some, and may be able to help with sorting/packing (I have an especial talent for asking "do you really need that?").

Sandra Dodd said...

You separated and got back together before, which is not to say you should get back together again, but that you absolutely and certainly worked on it and didn't let it go lightly or thoughtlessly.

I wish you (all of you) happy and unexpected joys and surprises.

Zenmomma said...

Love, love, love you all!

Ren said...

Thank you Sandra, for those words. It means a lot coming from you.

We have not let this go easily or mindlessly. We are both very concerned for how our family will continue to nurture each other and live as consensually as possible! The immediate road is rough, but I think we're moving in a positive direction.

There is love....

ps pirro said...

What also is: that you are hugely, wholeheartedly loved. xox.

Jacqueline Parks said...

Wishing you many joyful moments and lots of adventure on your continuing journey. I moved out of a nice home into public housing and lived on rather meager child support with 5 very young children back in 1999 and stayed there for 6 years. I wouldn't give up those inner city "small apartment" years for anything! (Even though I am really loving my country girl, small trailer on 5 wild acres years with Diana right now!)

hahamommy said...


Wender said...

Much love and hugs sent to you. You are an amazing soul, and have always been a source of wonder and inspiration to me. I'm blessed to call you "friend" and know that this is a stepping stone in your life that must be crossed ... just know that you are loved and supported, even from this far distance. You are an amazing woman, and have raised amazing children ... I stand in awe of you! :-)

Lynch Family said...

peace to you, every day

sara said...

Good luck in all you do


Home Cooking Memories said...

Just posting to say I support you and love you. :)


Anonymous said...

Wow. It's been a year~~