Saturday, December 31, 2011

Being in the now....

Trevor Allen; tech-geek, troll, music writer, roller-skating awesome oldest son.

Twenty-two years ago this very evening, I was in labor with my first child. He is a 6'4" man now. Yet always my baby. I had no concept of where this mothering journey would take me, nor could I see the faces of my babies not born. Lessons are best learned in the looking back, in the reflection. New Year's asks us to look forward.

I say stay in the now.

The view from here....

Not all of us will get to enjoy the entirety of 2012. Many will make resolutions that will be broken and further the cycle of negative feelings about self. Some will accomplish great things. But right here, right now is where the magic is.

Looking back helps us connect meaning. Looking forward is complete mystery, only to be disseminated in the looking back that is to come. Right here, right now, we have people who love us, changes to make, ideas to dream up and moments to be present for.

When I used to attend Unity, the constant phrase was "today is a new day". Good reminder. Every day, every moment is a chance for new. For being fully present for ourselves and our experience, for making mistakes and taking chances. Right here, right now.

In 2011 my soul mate moved in to my house and we became a family. In 2011 I worked harder than I ever have as a makeup artist. I didn't do enough art and writing in my opinion. I got a speeding ticket for the first time in 20 years. I questioned myself a lot. I dreamed more about traveling but didn't do much of it. I was mindful and mindless. I was too loud and probably didn't sleep enough. I met some amazing new friends and kept on falling in love with my old friends. I opened a studio with some other fantastic humans. My divorce was finalized and I had to face up to 22 years of ignoring some pretty important things.

I recently decided to start writing and doing more art again. Without resolutions or fanfare, without labels on what constitutes "enough" I am back at it. Because every moment I'm alive, I can begin again. And again. No mistakes, just "learning-takes". The only failure is to quit caring, to quit doing, to let fear hold us back.

So in 2012? I vow to keep being loud, to dream big and feel like I'm overwhelmed with them. To keep falling in love with people and places and my work. To start anew when needed. To cry and laugh and fuck up and do it all over again. I will keep on being me. Isn't that what the world really needs after all? More people awake, living fully.... willing to dream and do and BE.

My hope for humanity? That they will continue to inspire me. That if there is fear holding them back from some amazing, crazy, off-the-chain dream they will go after it anyway. That people will start to realize how important community is. That caring for this planet will become the norm. That all of us will slow down a little bit and let the pleasures of food, drink and friends be present. That colors and words will wend their way into all that we do. That the off-beat, unusual people will not have to face scorn or bullying. That all of us find a way to be more fully human with compassion. That differences will be cause for celebration, cause for learning, not cause for derision. That every day will be a new day.

Oh, and that a lot more people will recognize this truth: "what people think of me is none of my business!"

Happy New Years tonight and every night!! May all of your being embrace YOU.

Happy New Year from the Allen-Dixon clan!


Snavleys said...

I miss you all so much!! You look really good in red, btw:) It's been so heart warming to watch all the cool, amazing changes in your life and I'm glad we were all part of your 2011:) Love you!!

Michael said...

I think I have figured out why some people are wankers: Ren is using WAY more than her share of pure awesome. It drifts along after her like a cloud of perfume and intoxicates those of us lucky enough to be nearby.

Ren, you are an absolute rock star. I'm so happy for you that things have been looking up and that you had some truly wonderful things happen for you in 2011. It may not be in keeping with staying in the now, but I'm wishing you an even more wonderful 2012. :) Hugs to you!

Susan said...

gaw! This is so much & so much more than that! With you on the write more & do more art! More Fun to Come

Ren said...

Wow Michael! I think that is the very nicest comment I have EVER had at my blog!! :) You all made my day. I should write more. Hmm.......