"I became a woman who learned her own skin and dug into her soul and found it full."
Sometimes I plan a body paint because I see things in my head at night while I need to be sleeping instead.
Sometimes another person's art, or words, or ideas spark a painting.
This time it was an Anne Sexton quote and I knew exactly who would model for this, and that it would be heavy on abstract color.
It came out even better than I imagined. I felt that the inner colors had made it to the skin.
This quote spoke to me on so many levels....a bit of the back story;
Photographer; Keith Dixon Studios
It took me a very long time, and a lot of hard experiences to understand that my soul (whatever that may mean) was full. FULL. Brimming over.
Not broken, or damaged, or lacking in any way. Full.
I spent most of my teen and early adult years completely at war with myself. With those desires born of earth and air. It felt like they were constantly fighting inside of me.....fighting with me....me fighting against all that I was.
So eventually I called a truce. The truce meant I gave myself permission to love what I love, to embrace what I chose, to do exactly as I please, and to build a life of my choosing.
I did. I have. I will continue.
The pain was not about earth and air desires being in conflict with each other, the pain was in believing I had to choose.
In a sense I DID have to choose...so I chose both.
Yes, I can be a full time artist AND a good parent.
Yes. I can garden/homestead AND travel.
Yes, I can be both full of ideas AND grounded.
Yes to all of it.
How are we saying no to ourselves before anyone else can beat us to it?
Maybe it's time to put down the tools of self-war, and pick up some self-kindness.
As for me, I'm going to keep learning this skin and digging into this soul and see what else I can find.