Saturday, August 01, 2009

Earth and air

I've been pondering my earth and air traits that seem in opposition to each other at times....the incredibly strong appetite for exploring and doing and seeing everything and knowing everyone, balanced with the need for staying put and growing things and going within. The grounded earth energy with the airy wind energy. It seems crazy to have so much of both going on. But there they are.

It leads one to pursue such things as gardening, beekeeping and cooking..things that take time and roots and being still. Then there's art and fashion and makeup, things that take time and swirling here and there and movement. Head in the clouds, feet on the ground. But sometimes it's hard to figure out where to be and how much of the appetite to fulfill. Because the desires want to take me places that could destroy some of the other things that matter too.

So I drive with the windows of my truck down, wind blowing through and through, wondering what the view is like at 4500 feet. But instead of finding out, I drive home to people I love and leave the view for another day perhaps. I blast the music loud and wonder what it would be like to ignore responsiblity and societal taboo and just give in to the whims of the moment. I drive in the dark with the wind and wonder about these things.

I often blame the fact that I was born as a Taurus on the cusp of Gemini. Earth and wind. Venus and Mercury. Persistent and materialistic, imaginative and impulsive. How to tame the desires that one spirit can contain? Should we even try? I have no answers. Some nights when the truck windows are rolled down, the dark and the wind seem to call me down the road. Down the road to I-don't-know-where, or outside-over-there. The music and the dark and the wind....always tugging at my wild-child heart.


Lesa said...

I know exactly what you mean! I do think that once Dayle is grown I will give into that desire in my heart to roam. For now, I try to be happy where I am.

Laura/CenterDownHome said...

Oh, Ren -- this was lovely. It made me think of a quote by Sally Mann:
".....I struggle with enormous discrepancies: between the reality of motherhood and the image of it, between my love for my home and the need to travel, between the varied and seductive paths of the heart. The lessons of impermanance, the occasional despair and the muse, so tenuously moored, all visit their needs upon me and I dig deeply for the spiritual utilities that restore me: my love for the place, for the one man left, for my children and friends and the great green pulse of spring." - Sally Mann - Still Time catalogue Alleghany Highlands Arts and Crafts Center, 1988

laura said...

we have the same heart!

Heather said...

Wow I have been feeling the same way! Lovely writing.